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Items tagged with: humor


 

Mortician Always Keeps Hammer At Tableside Just In Case One Comes Back To Life


PUTNEY, VT—Claiming past experiences taught him to be prepared for sudden displays of vitality, mortician Radiston Nikolov, 38, told reporters Thursday that he always keeps a hammer beside his mortuary table in case one of his embalming subjects comes back to life. “I just like knowing this baby’s within reach in the… Read more...

Read more at: https://local.theonion.com/mortician-always-keeps-hammer-at-tableside-just-in-case-1831075701

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 
Verschmierte Toiletten, grimassierende Darsteller: Der vermeintliche ARD-Spaß "Der Nesthocker" arbeitet mit billigen Effekten - da kann auch "Neo-Magazin"-Komiker Florentin Will nichts retten.
ARD-Klamauk "Der Nesthocker": Griff zum Klo - SPIEGEL ONLINE - Kultur
#Kultur #TV #Televisionen #Rezensionen #Fernsehen #FilmeundSerien #ARD #Humor

 

Orrin Hatch Delivers Farewell Address From Coffin Descending Into Plot Dug In Middle Of Senate Floor


WASHINGTON—Marking the end of the longest tenure of any Republican senator in U.S. history, Orrin Hatch (R-UT) delivered his farewell address to colleagues Wednesday from a coffin being lowered into an open grave on the floor of the Senate. “It has been the honor of my life to serve my country these past 42 years in… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/orrin-hatch-delivers-farewell-address-from-coffin-desce-1831052039

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

Pros And Cons Of Seeking Out Uncontacted Peoples


The recent death of a U.S. missionary trying to visit an isolated group living on a remote Indian island reignited debate over whether uncontacted peoples should be integrated into the rest of the world or left alone. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of seeking out uncontacted peoples. Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/pros-and-cons-of-seeking-out-uncontacted-peoples-1831052427

#humor #satire #news #theonion

 
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Not being born rich is entirely your own fault !


#shitposting #anarchist meme for cool people
#humor #work #capitalism #union #iww #twitter
#quote

I post every day meme about anarchy and other cool stuff.
Feel free to download and/or share them ! :)

 
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When a Centrist wants to be radical...


#shitposting #anarchist meme for cool people
#humor #comic #centrist #radical #left #leftist
#anarchy #anarchism

I post every day meme about anarchy and other cool stuff.
Feel free to download and/or share them ! :)

 

Time Awards Person Of The Year To Targeted Journalists Including Jamal Khashoggi


For their persons of the year, Time magazine has chosen “The Guardians,” a group of journalists targeted for opposing the “war on truth,” which includes Jamal Khashoggi, arrested Reuters journalists Wa Lone and Kyaw Soe Oo, murdered reporters at the Capital Gazette , and Maria Ressa, chief executive of the Philippine… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/time-awards-person-of-the-year-to-targeted-journalists-1831054354

#humor #satire #news #theonion

 

Michael Cohen Completes First Stage Of Intricate Plan To Break Incarcerated Brother Out Of Prison From Inside


NEW YORK—After receiving a three-year sentence in a federal penitentiary for tax evasion, campaign finance violations, misleading a bank, and lying to Congress, Michael Cohen completed the first of stage of his intricate plan to break his incarcerated brother out of prison from the inside, sources confirmed Wednesday.… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/michael-cohen-completes-first-stage-of-intricate-plan-t-1831052788

#humor #satire #news... show more

 

Michael Cohen Granted Prison Work Release For New Job With Trump 2020 Campaign


NEW YORK—Following sentencing for his role in a hush-money scandal, Michael Cohen was granted a prison work release for a new job with the Trump 2020 campaign, sources confirmed Wednesday. “We’re confident that engaging in honest work will help Mr. Cohen with his rehabilitation,” said warden Pete Clements, telling… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/michael-cohen-granted-prison-work-release-for-new-job-w-1831053442

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

Campbell’s Unveils New Tomato Soup Humidifier


CAMDEN, NJ—Touting the device’s ability to open nasal passages and fill the air with warm, red mist, Campbell’s officials unveiled Wednesday a new line of ultrasonic tomato soup humidifiers. “The winter months can be hard, but Campbell’s new tomato soup humidifier can dispense more than four gallons of hearty,… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/campbell-s-unveils-new-tomato-soup-humidifier-1831056051

#humor #satire #news #theonio... show more

 

Every Person In High-End Singapore Casino Either Carrying Out Or Target Of Assassination


SINGAPORE—Locked as they were in a deadly, high-stakes game of cat and mouse, patrons of the Marina Bay Sands Casino were revealed Wednesday to be either in the process of conducting a risky and sophisticated assassination or were themselves the target of an ingeniously orchestrated assassination attempt. “Every… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/every-person-in-high-end-singapore-casino-either-carryi-1831045453

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 
<snerk>
#humor #humour #climatechange

 

Court Filings Suggest Trump Illegally Directed Hush Money Payments


Sentencing filings by the Southern District of New York reveal that Trump personally directed illegal hush money payments in 2016 to women with whom he allegedly had affairs in violation of campaign finance laws. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/court-filings-suggest-trump-illegally-directed-hush-mon-1831012043

#humor #satire #news #theonion

 

Satanic Statue On Display In Illinois Capitol Building For Holidays


The Illinois Capitol rotunda will display a statue from The Satanic Temple-Chicago featuring a snake wrapping around Eve’s hand as a testament to freedom of religion and the group’s view of Satan as a wisdom-bestowing hero. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/satanic-statue-on-display-in-illinois-capitol-building-1831023227

#humor #satire #news #theonion

 

Soldier Back Home From Serving At Mexico Border Still Having Nightmares About Being Used As Political Prop


COOKEVILLE, TN—Saying he has been unable to readjust to civilian life since returning home from his deployment to the border with Mexico, U.S. soldier Matthew Coltrane told reporters Tuesday he continues to have nightmares in which he is being used as a mere political prop. “In the middle of the night, I’ll wake up in… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/soldier-back-home-from-serving-at-mexico-border-still-h-1831021411

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

Trump Claims Substantial Portions Of The U.S.-Mexico Laser Forcefield Have Already Been Built


WASHINGTON—In a stirring defense of his administration’s commitment toward border security, President Trump claimed Tuesday that substantial portions of the laser forcefield between the United States and Mexico had already been built. “I’m committed to the safety and security of this great nation, which is why we’ve… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/trump-claims-substantial-portions-of-the-u-s-mexico-la-1831026612

#humor #satire #news... show more

 

Jonesing Nation Demands Trump Tell Them Where, Exactly, Drugs Are Pouring Into Country


WASHINGTON—Sweating profusely, scratching anxiously at their arms, and sniffing loudly while glancing around and rubbing their eyes vigorously, the visibly strung-out population of the United States demanded Tuesday that President Trump tell them the exact location or locations where drugs are pouring into the… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/jonesing-nation-demands-trump-tell-them-where-exactly-1831025185

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 
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Random tumblr #humor

 

Authoritarian Secretary Of Transportation Declares She Has Ultimate Right Of Way In Every Traffic Scenario


WASHINGTON—Threatening to use her absolute power to run over anyone who dares stand in her way, authoritarian Secretary of Transportation Elaine Chao declared Tuesday that she has the ultimate right of way in every traffic scenario. “Whether I am a pedestrian, a driver, or a cyclist—from today onward, all 325 million… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/authoritarian-secretary-of-transportation-declares-she-1831014716

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

Bertolli Packaging Promises Empty Ravioli Floating In Filling-Saturated Water In Just 5 Minutes


NORTHBROOK, IL—Describing their new pasta as the perfect quick meal for busy weeknights, Italian food brand Barilla claimed Tuesday that their new ravioli delivers perfectly empty al dente pasta casings floating in filling-saturated water in a mere five minutes. “Simply bring four cups of salted water to a boil,… Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/bertolli-packaging-promises-empty-ravioli-floating-in-f-1831014956

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

John Kelly Resigns In Last-Ditch Effort To Save His And Trump’s Friendship


WASHINGTON—Calling the decision necessary to protect the one relationship he values above all others, White House chief of staff John Kelly told reporters Monday that he will resign in a last-ditch effort to save his and President Trump’s friendship. “It’s been a great honor to serve my country and the Trump… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/john-kelly-resigns-in-last-ditch-effort-to-save-his-and-1830989628

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 

White House Ficus To Leave For Virginia Arboretum After Declining Trump’s Offer To Be Chief Of Staff


WASHINGTON—As the Trump administration scrambles to find a replacement for outgoing advisor John Kelly, officials announced Monday that a high-level White House ficus would leave for the State Arboretum of Virginia after declining the president’s offer to be chief of staff. “The ficus has been honored to serve… Read more...

Read more at: https://politics.theonion.com/white-house-ficus-to-leave-for-virginia-arboretum-after-1830989844

#humor #satire #news... show more

 

MLB Hoping To Boost Attendance At League Meetings With ‘Star Wars’ Night


LAS VEGAS—In an effort to generate more enthusiasm among owners and general managers for the sparsely attended event, Major League Baseball introduced announced a new “ Star Wars Night” Monday to boost attendance at this year’s winter meetings. “In the past, we’ve had problems drawing a full crowd to these meetings, so… Read more...

Read more at: https://sports.theonion.com/mlb-hoping-to-boost-attendance-at-league-meetings-with-1830991212

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 
Robert Griess rechnet in seinem Programm "Ich glaub', es hackt" mit politischen Missständen ab. Dafür schlüpft er in die Rollen eines desillusionierten Grünen, eines überforderten Managers und eines Hartz IV-Rebellen. #Soloprogramm #RobertGriess #Ichglaubeshackt #Humor #Lachen #Künstler #KölnerComediaTheater

 

John Kelly Out As Chief Of Staff


Speaking Friday, President Trump confirmed John Kelly will be leaving as chief of staff by the end of the year after 18 months defined by an attempt at instilling discipline on an often chaotic administration. What do you think? Read more...

Read more at: https://www.theonion.com/john-kelly-out-as-chief-of-staff-1830994917

#humor #satire #news #theonion

 

Woman Trying To Wean Self Off Coffee By Switching To Long Island Iced Tea


LOS ANGELES—Saying that the reduction in her daily caffeine intake had markedly improved her overall mood and outlook, sales associate Sherri Packer, 32, said Monday that she has made notable progress weaning herself off coffee by switching to Long Island iced tea. “I didn’t realize how dependent on my Starbucks I had… Read more...

Read more at: https://local.theonion.com/woman-trying-to-wean-self-off-coffee-by-switching-to-lo-1830991604

#humor #satire #news #... show more

 
#Interview: Alligatoah hat viel Georg Kreisler gehört, ist mit seinen Songs Thema an Schulen und findet, dass die Leute mehr zusammen singen sollten #porträt #humor #alligatoah #hiphop #pop #Freitag #derFreitag #DasMeinungsmedium